Updated: Dec 3, 2020
If several of these red-flags apply to your relationship, you're probably being bullied:
A significant person in your life doesn't seem to care about your feelings and may continue to do hurtful things even after you've asked them to stop.
Their behaviors, attitudes and communication style often leave you feeling very CONFUSED.
You often feel unimportant to them, as if they only want you around when it suits them.
Interactions with this person can cause you to doubt your own feelings and opinions.
They can be very manipulative, judgmental and shaming.
They may intentionally push your buttons because they know your vulnerabilities. For example, they may engage in gaslighting until you feel crazy and then tell you there's something wrong with you.
You often feel disrespected, neglected or abused by them.
Their actions do not match their words and they rarely, if ever, apologize sincerely.
They make you feel worse about yourself, often so they can feel superior or achieve greater influence over you.
They can be jealous and may actively try to undermine your relationships with others.
This person may try to isolate you from people you love or denigrate your family/friends for no good reason.
They may act smarter or better than you and pressure you to do what they want. In other words, they can be condescending and very CONTROLLING.
You often feel angry, sad, or afraid around this person.
They appear to lack genuine empathy. You may have the same argument over and over because you never feel heard, supported or validated.
This person can be self-centered, sometimes lazy, and often takes more than they give.
They have excuses for everything and can twist facts around with mind-boggling ease.
They are great at blame-shifting, playing the victim and making you the 'bad guy.'
Th project their own negative attributes onto you, often accusing you of what they themselves are doing!
You often feel exhausted by mind-games and drama.
You feel used or taken for granted; you may wonder why they stopped loving you.
You are afraid to tell them how you feel, often suppressing your feelings because it’s not worth the battle to challenge them.
They are difficult to talk to and shut down your concerns with angry escalations of tension, arguments or even threatening behavior.
They tell you you’re 'too sensitive' or accuse you of overreacting.
They pass-off rude or hurtful behavior as 'joking around.'
This person may treat you differently around other people - often worse when you're alone with them. For example, they can put on an 'act' to make themselves appear more charming and appropriate around others, or, infuriatingly, they may shower others with they approval and kindness they cruelly withhold from you.
***If several of these red-flags apply to a significant relationship in your life, please get help. These are tactics of bullies and narcissists. These profoundly wounded and destructive people are capable of DESTROYING people's minds and lives. The most vicious among them can harm entire families, or even entire communities while holding positions of leadership.
Bullying is ABUSE and therefore extremely detrimental to one's mental health and quality of life. We are valuable, sacred people who only live optimally when we feel safe and respected.
REAL LOVE FEELS RESPECTFUL, PATIENT and KIND!
Real love feels supportive, validating and SAFE!